Pain Doesn't Last Forever
by Eowyn5
Summary: This is a fic about Sirius in the Marauder days. He has never been very interested in girls, but when a strange girl comes to Hogwarts, will all that change? Can Sirius get up the guts to ask out the girl he loves? FLUFF WARNING!! R&R!!
1. Pain and Heartache

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, J.K. Rowling does.  
  
  
  
Chapter 1  
  
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Sirius Black's mother left him when he was five years old. Sirius missed his mother, how could he not, her being the wonderful person that she was, but he never cried about her being gone. Sirius Black had never cried in his life. His parents had always thought this very strange, but Sirius had a very mature mind for his age, and he just never saw any reason to cry. Pain, no matter how severe it was, would never last forever. And crying sure never made anything any better for anyone.  
  
But as each day went by his father's pain became more and more apparent. It was as if the sorrow wore continuosly down on Mr. Black until he couldn't hide it anymore. Sirius watched from behind a doorway as his father buried his head in his hands and cried. Sirius had always thought that his father was unbreakable, invincable. His father was an Auror, and Auror's don't cry. The shock of his father doing something so weak made Sirius angry beyond control. He turned and walked slowly up the stairs. He stopped at a picture of his mother hanging in the hall and stared at it with his fists clenched. She was very pretty, with soft brown hair flowing around her shoulders. The young boy winced as the smiling picture waved to him happily. He couldn't bear it anymore. She had hurt his father. He picked the picture up silently and threw it down the stairs. He turned into his room and closed the door softly as he heard the sound of glass shattering into millions of peices.  
  
He sat on his bed and looked through the window at the huge peach tree in the front yard. His mother had gone to a muggle nursery to buy it. As Sirius helped her plant it, he had asked her why they didn't just use magic to bury it. Or just use magic to get the peaches. She stopped what she was doing and pushed a wisp of her hair behind her ear with soil stained hands. She sighed. "Sirius, haven't you ever wanted something more than this? Don't you get sick and tired of doing things so easily? Always using magic for whatever you want or need, but never quite being satisfied with what you have?" Sirius didn't answer. She sighed again as she took her bright blue eyes away from his pitch black ones and looked up at the sky. A small serene smile spread across her face. "Look at the sky, son. It's so real. Isn't it beautiful?" Sirius looked up at the sky. Thin white wifts of clouds floated lazily across the pale yet vivid blue sky. He looked back down at his mother, who was staring sadly into his eyes. He nodded slowly and she smiled as she leaned down and kissed him softly on his forehead. But even as she smiled Sirius thought he could see a single tear sliding down her dirt smeared cheek.  
  
He didn't look at the door as he heard it open softly. He felt the bed move as his father sat down at the end of it. "Why did she leave?" Sirius asked bluntly. After a few moments of silence he heard his father sigh. "Your mother," He started. After anpther few minutes he continued on again. "Your mother has never been quite happy here. I guess it just finally got to be too much for her." Sirius could hear the pain echoing in his father's strained voice. "Was it my fault?" Sirius asked without looking away from the tree in the yard. He was afraid that if he looked at his father, he would see the tear stains or red, puffy eyes, and he didn't know if he could stand that again. "No, no, never think that. Your mother loved you very much, and I think she would have taken you with her if I had let her." Mr. Black said sadly. Sirius turned to look at him now, his black eyes shining with unexpressed emotion."I'm never getting married. I'm going to be an Auror just like you. And I'm never going to get hurt. Never." Mr. Black opened his mouth to say something then closed it again. He tried without success to smile. He ruffled his son's hair softly and turned and left the room. Sirius stayed up all night, staring at the black starry sky.  
  
***********  
  
Twelve years later Sirius Black plops into an armchair in the common room of Gryffindor house with books and papers filling his arms. "I'm telling you, it's horny toad!" Came the voice of his best friend, James Potter. "Fish eyes is the main ingrediant for sleeping potions you moron! Not horny toad!" The second voice came from Sirius's other friend, Remus Lupin. Sitting on the floor by the fire was Peter Pettigrew, the fourth member of the group.  
  
Sirius grinned as he flipped through his text book to the sleeping potion section. He scrolled down the page until he found what he was looking for. "The main ingrediant in the common sleeping potion is fish eyes." He read aloud. Remus smiled smugly at James, which was more effective than if he had screamed 'I told you so!' at the top of his lungs. James lunged at Remus but was pulled back onto the couch he was sitting on by Sirius. Sirius and James laughed as they struggled together. "James," The two boys stopped fighting.  
  
"What, Lily?" James asked. "When you're done could you help me a minute with transfiguration?" James sighed as he pushed Sirius off of him and walked over to his girlfriend who was sitting in an armchair a few feet away.  
  
Sirius had never been very interested in girls. It might have had something to do with his mother leaving all those years ago. Girls found him somthing of a hunk, so he got asked out quite a bit, but he had always had the general impression that all females were just out to hurt every male in the universe, (with the exception of Lily) so he turned them all down. It wasn't until a year ago that he changed his mind about girls. A 5th year girl came to Hogwarts. None of the students knew why she started in her fifth year, there were many theories, but each one was more ridiculous than the one before it, so Sirius preferred for it to remain a mystery. Sirius liked her. And ever since he saw her step of the Hogwarts express a few weeks ago, he even thinks he loves her. She is best friends with Lily Potter, and thus hangs out with Marauders quite a bit. Which certainly doesn't make things any easier for Sirius. But it wasn't just the fact that she was pretty, and Sirius certainly thought she was, but she was also kind, thoughtful, humble, nice, sweet, and in every other way wonderful. She never wore make-up, she had white-blonde hair that was usualy in a loose braid, pale skin, red lips, and the sweetest smile that made Sirius go absolutely weak at the knees. Her name was Mercy Williams, and in Sirius's eyes, she was perfect.  
  
The only people in the world who knew about Sirius's feelings were James, Peter, and Remus. Sirius had made James promise he would never tell Lily, considering Lily would undoubtedly tell Mercy. None of them could understand why he hadn't asked Mercy out yet, his crush had started more than a year ago. "You don't understand," Sirius would say. "She's so wonderful and serene! She can even make Lily feel calm, for Pete's sake. I'm one of the biggest pranksters that ever walked the earth! Why would she ever go out with anyone like me?" James would sigh and say "Just ask her out and if she says no then at least you'll know!" Sirius would shake his head and continue pacing. "I can't do that, James, If she said no I-I couldn't- I couldn't go on." Peter would look confused and Remus would roll his eyes. Every conversation was just the same. Sirius knew that James was probably right, but James and Lily had both liked each other since their first year at Hogwarts. James mother hadn't left him, James had never felt heartache and pain half as severe as Sirius had.  
  
Sirius knew he should probably just listen to his friends, or at least to Remus and James, since both of them had girlfriends they must know something about the subject. But every time he planned to tell her, as soon as he got close to Mercy, his heart started beating rapidly and he had to sit down his knees felt so weak. And when she smiled at him he knew that if she ever turned him down he wouldn't be able to live.  
  
***********  
  
A/N: Well I hope you liked the start, I don't really know if I do or not. I'll try to get the next chapter up soon. And don't worry, in my opinion this story gets better as it goes along. In the next chapter you'll learn more about Remus's girlfriend and the group in general. Thanks for reading this and please reveiw!  
  
~Eowyn 


	2. The Marauders

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry potter.  
  
~chapter 2~  
  
"Pass the bacon, Prongs." Sirius said with a mouthful of toast. James stared at him with a vacant look. "Please." Sirius said as he rolled his eyes. James picked up a few slices of bacon and threw them at his friend. Sirius caught them and was about to throw some eggs back at James but decided not to since Mercy was sitting a few seats away and would probably think food fighting was immature. James watched Sirius put the eggs back on his plate and followed his eyes to see what he was looking at. He snorted into his orange juice and grabbed Peter's napkin as it started coming out of his nose. Peter scooted away from him with a half disgusted, half amused look.  
  
Remus was sitting next to Sirius talking to his girl friend, Katrina, who was on his left side. Katrina, or Kat, was a chaser on the Gryffindor team. She was the only girl on the team this year, and was an extremely good chaser. She had long, wavy, dark brown hair that flowed down to her waist, and dark hazel eyes, so dark they were almost black.  
  
James, who was sitting across from Sirius, was showing Lily his latest plan for a prank. He was whispering so softly that even Sirius couldn't hear him, and he kept glancing at the Slytherin table as if they could somehow understand him. Lily's brilliant green eyes were shining like they always did when she was planning a prank. Lily had bright red hair which she always kept up in a messy sort of bun. She was head girl (and James was head boy) and the best student in charms. Sirius and Remus were always calling them "The Perfect Couple.", which really wasn't far from the truth, even though they were constantly getting into fights. They were too much alike not to be together.  
  
James, Sirius, and Remus were all on the Gryffindor Quidditch team. Peter had tried out simply for the sake of not wanting to be left out of anything that his friends were doing, but had failed miserably. James was a Seeker, Sirius a beater, and Remus the Keeper. This was one of the many other reasons why their group was hated so much by the Slytherins. Another reason was that The Mauraders were constantly playing pranks on them, pranks that not even the best Slytherin prankster could compete with.  
  
Lily, Kat, and Mercy, who were all best friends, were considered part of the Marauder group. It was not an unusual sight in the Gryffindor common room to see the 7 friends huddled around a table, whispering to eachother over charts and papers. This was always a good sight to the Gryffindors, who knew that the next morning they would have the pleasure of seeing the entire table of Slytherins explode into song, or start kissing eachother randomly, or something else of that kind.  
  
This is exactly what the Marauders were doing one night, sitting in a circle in front of the fire. Peter had already fallen asleep where he sat, but this didn't bother any of the others. The prank would probably go better without Peter than it would with his help. The meeting continued on in the usual way, with a lot of whispering on the guys part and giggling on the girls, until James got to "And then I'll rush in and curse all their underwear-" Lily shook her head violently. "No, YOU hold the door and I'll go in. You got to switch their hair gel with mugworts magical hair remover last time, remember?" James frowned. "Yeah but you had two turns in a row a few months ago." He said indignantly. "So? That was your own fault, you forgot the spell so I had to go do it." She said while trying to yell and whisper at the same time. All the others sighed. They knew what was coming. "I did not! Besides, you still got to do it, it doesn't matter why." Lily forgot about whispering. "Oh, please!" She said loudly. All the other Gryffindors gathered around. A Lily and James fight was always entertaining. "Look," said Sirius. "How about you both go in, it'll go faster that way." James shook his head violently. "We can't do that! We'd run into eachother or something. It's too risky." Lily snorted. "Well if you're so worried about being quiet, then you should let me go, we both know that you always cough or trip or something." James stood up. "That's not true!" He yelled, his face turning red from anger. Lily stood up too and for a few minutes they both stood there glaring at eachother.  
  
Mercy stood up quietly, and taking Lily by the elbow led her gently up to the girls dormitory, Lily stomping the whole way. "Why does she always think everything has to be her way??" James said angrily as he plopped into an arm chair. Remus and Sirius rolled their eyes at eachother. After a few minutes of angry comments from James, Lily and Mercy came down again, Lily looking much calmer than when she had gone up. "I'm sorry, James. You can do the prank, it really is your turn, anyway. Besides, I don't really want to have to look at their underwear." She said with a smile. "It's ok," James started. "I probably should have let you go, since you can be so much quieter than me." Then they both sat back down in the circle, and the crowd returned to their homework dissapointedly.  
  
This was always how their fights ended, with Mercy calming Lily down. No one knew what she said to her, and no one else could do it. She just had a way of making everyone around her calm, perhaps it was how calm she was herself. None of the Marauders had ever heard her raise her voice or scold. She was constantly smiling and never made negative comments. She was known and loved by the entire school, even the Slytherins, because everywhere she went she had a smile for every home-sick first year, encouragement for every discouraged person, and advice for everyone who needed it. Lily had the worst temper in the school, and if Mercy could calm her down, obviously everyone had a reason to like her. The pranks were bad enough when Lily was calm. Everyone knew that if it weren't for Mercy, Lily and James would never be able to stay together, as much as they cared about eachother.  
  
****  
  
A few days later, Sirius, Peter, Remus, and James all snuck quietly out of their dormitory under James's invisibility cloak. It was a tight fit for them all under there, but they always managed to make it out onto the grounds without anymore than a foot sticking out every once in a while. After they hid the cloak in the passage in the weeping willow, they all sat underneath the huge tree, waiting till the full moon came out. "Do you think we should tell the girls?" James asked. "I mean we won't be able to hide this forever. They're allready suspicious of something." Remus sighed. Sirius knew he didn't want to tell Kat. Even though Kat was a sweet girl who was never prejudiced of anyone, Remus still had a fear of people deserting him because of what he was. James had wanted to tell Lily for a long time, he said he didn't feel right keeping secrets from her. Remus felt the same way, but his fear of what Kat would think and do if she knew always outweighed it. "Moony, you'll have to tell her sometime. Better sooner than later." James said softly. Remus bit his lip and for a few moments there was complete silence. Then Remus started quivering and moaning, and in a matter of seconds the boys disapeared and four dark animals ran into the woods.  
  
****  
  
A/N: ok i'm just assuming that everyone who reads this has read the harry potter books so i won't explain all about remus, ect. if you don't know, go read the harry potter books cuz i'm not gonna explain it all. i know this chapter was boring cuz i'm just explaining about everybody and stuff but stuff will start happening soon. oh and i'm sorry it took me so long to get this chap. up. i'll try and go faster. please review!  
  
~Katydid 


	3. If Only

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.  
  
Thanks to those who reviewed-  
  
PaGi-Thanks so much for reviewing! I'm glad you liked it!!  
  
LadyLaura020-Thank y'all! :)  
  
A sad TWO reviews! COME ON, PEOPLE! GIVE ME A BREAK HERE!! even if it does stink then please just PRETEND like it doesn't!!!  
  
  
  
Chapter 3 "If only"  
  
One night a few weeks later Sirius lay tossing and turning in bed. He couldn't get to sleep because for some reason he couldn't keep a beautiful girl with stunning blue eyes out of his head. He threw his covers off impatiently and sat up, rubbing his eyes with his palms. He glanced at his clock. 5:45. He decided to go downstairs and work on some homework or something until it was time for breakfast.  
  
He dug up some potions books and pulled on a shirt before heading down to the common room. But when he got there, he found it wasn't empty. The very reason he hadn't been able to go to sleep was sitting on one of the many windowseats. As he looked at her, he couldn't help smiling. She was so beatiful. Her hair was back in a very loose braid and thin whisps of it were falling out onto her pale face. She was staring up at the stars with that peaceful expression that she always had in her eyes. Somehow Sirius felt that the scene was too beautiful and peaceful to be disturbed, so he stood still, watching her.  
  
He was about to walk up to her, when he saw a single tear roll down her soft cheek. And then another, and another. Sirius was shocked. He had never seen Mercy cry before. She was the strong sort of girl who never let anything get to her or upset her. Sirius hated to see her cry, he never wanted her to be hurt, never. Whoever had hurt her had hurt him, too. It was probably some idiot Slytherin who couldn't keep his mouth shut and had said something about her being a half-blood. Sirius muttered various gruesome things that he would do to the Slytherin when he got his hands on him as he walked towards Mercy. "Hey." He said quietly as he touched her shoulder softly. Her head jerked up and Sirius felt his heart pang as he saw her gorgeous blue eyes filled with tears. She quickly whiped them away. "Hi." She whispered. Sirius dropped his books on the floor and sat on the window seat by her. She gave him a small smile before looking back out the window. "What's wrong?" Sirius asked softly. Her eyes filled with tears again but she didn't look down at Sirius. "My-my dad-" She stopped and brushed another tear away as it fell. "He's sick. With a muggle disease. There is a cure but only for magical people, it doesn't work on muggles." She brushed away another tear angrily. 'She's mad at herself for crying!' Sirius thought. "I'm so sorry." He whispered. He didn't know what to say. He wanted to comfort her, to take her in his arms and kiss away every tear. His heart felt like it was about to burst. He couldn't stand to see her like this, broken. It reminded him of that day all those years ago when he had seen his father cry for the first time. Only now he had nothing to take his anger out on, you couldn't beat up a disease.  
  
She sighed and Sirius cringed at how full of pain and sorrow it sounded. "Why- why didn't you tell us?" He asked tenderly. She looked down at her hands. Her eyebrows were drawn together in an attempt to stop the flow of tears. "I just found out this morning, I-I really couldn't talk about it. I haven't told anyone else yet, except for you. I know they would try to comfort me, but I needed to-to be alone, for a little while." Sirius nodded. "I know how you feel." She looked up at him in surprise. 'Apparently she thinks what everyone else must think.' Sirius thought. 'That I'm just a happy-go-lucky guy who never had any hard times or pain. Who just sorta cruised through life as though there was nothing to it'. He looked out the window and fixed his eyes on a star. He didn't know if he could talk about it without some tears welling up and he really didn't want her to see that. "My mother left when I was 5." His voice sounded much stronger than he thought it would. "Oh, that must have been terrible! I'm so sorry." Sirius turned to look at her now. She was amazing. He didn't understand how she could comfort someone else like that when she herself was filled with pain, probably much more pain than Sirius was feeling. "It isn't the same as yours, though." He said, still keeping eye contact with her. "I mean I was only five, I didn't know my mother that well. Are you and your father-well-close?" She nodded as her eyes filled with tears again. 'What a stupid thing to say, Sirius! Were you trying to make her cry again?' He thought angrily to himself. He needed to do something. Obviously his words weren't going to do any good, so he reached out and covered her thin, pale hand with his strong tanned one. To his relief she didn't cringe or pull her hand away.  
  
"My father has a poem that he always tells me whenever I want something, or am worried about something. I know that's what he would tell me know. I can almost hear his voice." She whispered as she looked back out the window. There was a few minutes of silence and even though Sirius didn't want to leave her like this, he thought maybe he should leave now, maybe Mercy wanted to be alone. Maybe him holding her hand was making her uncomfortable. But he stopped worrying about this when she began quoting a poem, obviously the one that she had been talking about a few mintues before.  
  
"If only, if only!" The star cries to the night. "If only I were like the sun! Oh! That I were that bright!"  
  
"If only, if only!" The fish cries to the sea. "If only I were happier! Oh! that I were carefree!"  
  
"If only, if only!" The bird cries to the sky. "If only I could rest! Oh! That I no longer had to fly!"  
  
"If only, if only!" The world cries out to nothing. Nothing, empty and lonely. "Oh! If only, if only!"  
  
She finished the poem in a whisper, the light from the moon flowing through the window and glistening on her pale hair and tear-streaked face. Sirius gave her hand a gentle squeeze and she seemed to remember that he was there. She gave him an embarassed smile. "I don't know where he got it from. He might have made it up or something." She said with a shrug. "I really liked it." Sirius said. The truth was he had hardly listened to the words at all. He had been too busy listening to the soft tone of her voice and watching the moonlight shining in her eyes. But he hadn't exactly told a lie, because he had liked hearing her recite it. "Well we'd better go get ready for breakfast now, I guess." She said with a sigh. "Yeah, I guess so." Sirius said reluctantly. "Thanks for everything, Sirius." He just nodded. He didn't feel as if he'd done her a favor, he felt like it was the other way around.  
  
They both stood up and headed up to their dormitories to dress and wake their friends up for breakfast.  
  
********  
  
Sirius had a hard time concentrating on anything the rest of the day. James and Remus could guess what was causing their friends lack of attention, and James made fun of him all day. Normally Remus would have too, but he had other things on his mind. The guys, including Remus, had decided that they would have to tell Lily, Kat, and Mercy about Remus's 'situation'. Lily and Kat had been drilling them with questions about where they go every month, and were very upset that they kept getting "Nowhere" for an answer. Even Remus agreed that the best thing they could do was to tell them the truth.  
  
When they had decided this, they had planned to do it immediatly, but Remus kept managing to put it off a little longer. James and Sirius were patient with him, though, they knew how difficult this had to be for him. Peter didn't really care either way, as long as they didn't leave him out of their discussions.  
  
A few weeks after Sirius and Mercy's talk, Remus finally agreed that it had to happen that night. He dropped things all day and got scolded from several different teachers. Once they were all sitting together in the Common Room, Remus, looking very pale and like he was about to puke, nodded firmly to James. The four boys stood up and walked over to where the three girls were studying and chatting in front of the fire. "Hey, can y'all please come up to our dorm for a minute? We have something very important to tell you." James whispered. They all looked confused, and at first Lily looked they she was going to refuse, thinking that some huge prank was waiting for them there, but when she looked at Remus's face she knew it had to be something serious and they all stood up and followed the guys upstairs.  
  
After everyone was seated in a circle on the floor of the 7th year boys dorm, James stood up and cleared his throat. Remus was shaking all over and his face was deathly pale. "Remus, what's wrong?" Kat asked fearfully. Remus just shook his head without looking at her. He didn't know if he could stand to look at her right now.  
  
"Um..." James started. The 3 girls instantly looked away from Remus and up at James. "You've been wondering why we've been sneeking out every month for a while now. um...." He ran his fingers through his hair the way he always did when he was nervous and threw a worried look at Remus before continuing. "You see...Remus...Remus..." His hands were shaking as they ran through his hair again. "What?" Kat whispered so softly that no one would have been able to hear it if it hadn't been completely silent. "He didn't want to tell you, because he was afraid of what-what you might think." James tried to explain. "For goodness sakes, tell us what?" Lily almost yelled. "Remus is a..a...." James faltered. "Just tell them, Prongs." Remus said in a hollow, empty voice. "He's a werewolf." James whispered with difficulty.  
  
There was complete silence for a full 5 minutes at least. Remus's face was buried in his hands. "You guys are terrible." Lily said, finally breaking the silence. "How could you play an awful joke like that? Just look what it did to Kat!" Remus moaned loudly at this and bent over as if he were in pain. "It isn't a joke, Lil!" James said seriously. "Yeah right! You actually expect us to believe something like that! Remus a werewolf? Please! Then why do all of y'all go, instead of just him, huh?" She said with a look of triumph. "Well...you see in our first year, when we found out about Remus, we thought it would be cool to give him some company when he was in his...his other form, and we found out that animals aren't affected by the werewolf's bite. So me and Sirius started researching about Animagus, and in our 3rd year we finally figured it out. So me, Sirius, and Peter are all Animagus and during the full moon we explore the forest with Remus and stuff." Lily laughed out loud at this. "You don't believe me? Peter is a rat, Sirius is a dog, and I'm a stag." Lily snorted with laugher. "A stag? James..." But she stopped short in shock. James had just turned into a giant white stag. Her mouth fell wide open, and stayed that way even after he had turned back. "Oh-my-goodness..." She stuttered. Kat and Mercy remained completely silent, looks of disbelief etched on both their faces, but Kat was in complete shock. After a few seconds of complete silence Remus couldn't stand it anymore. He stood up and stumbled out of the room clutching his stomach, almost tripping over Peter's trunk. "Kat, why are you just sitting there?" Mercy asked. Kat immediatly shot up and ran out of the door, following Remus.  
  
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A/N: Hey I went a little longer on that one! Apperantly no one likes this story considering I only have two reveiws, but It's a fun one to write cuz it's got lots of fluff in it. I love fluff. Don't you? Well in the next chapter we'll find out what happens with Remus and Kat and some other stuff to. It'll probably be about a week before it's up, maybe less. For the two people who care, anyway. ;) Pleeeeaaaase if you have any kindness or mercy (hehe...mercy...) whatsoever, please review this! i don't care if it stinks! reveiw it anyway! ~Eowyn 


	4. Unaltered Love

A very big thank you to those who reviewed last time!!-  
  
MysticSorceror-Thanks so much! I know I love Sirius too! It's so unfair what happened to him! :(  
  
Ainsley Sloan-Thank you! I'm glad you like it! Don't worry, I'll keep going till it's finished.  
  
Arwen Luna-Thanks!! That means so much to me! :)  
  
Ok that's all. Thank y'all so much! The reviews are picking up a little bit now, thx! :)  
  
Disclaimer: All I own is Kat and Mercy. Everything else belongs to J.K. Rowling.  
  
*Chapter 4*  
  
'Unaltered Love'  
  
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'A werewolf?' Kat thought to herself as she ran through the halls. She had lost sight of Remus, but thought she knew where he would go. She blinked away hot tears as she tried to figure it all out. Why hadn't he told her sooner? Did he really think she would leave him for something like that? He had to have known that she would never do that, that she loved him too much to ever let anything like that come between them. It must have been hard for him, though, going through life with a secret like that, a secret that many people would fear and blame him for.  
  
She reached the East Astronomy tower out of breathe. She and Remus always came up here to watch the stars together. He was standing with his back facing her, his elbows leaning against the stone railing, his face buried in his hands. She whiped away several tears and walked up to him. "Remus," She whispered as she touched him gently on the shoulder. She felt him shudder from her touch. "It's ok, you don't have to tell me. Please don't tell me. I understand. And I don't...I don't blame you...it's the logical thing to do, really, I mean who would want to date a werewolf?" He asked in a trembling voice, his face still hidden in his hands.  
  
She was shocked to hear him talk like that. He really did think that she would leave him. "Remus don't ever talk like that again." She said almost harshly as she pulled his hands away from his face. He looked up at her slowly. She had never seen his eyes like that, and hoped she never would again. It hurt her to see those deep grey eyes that she loved so much so full of pain and sorrow. They were shining with un-shed tears. Just looking at them made her start to cry. She swallowed hard, trying to fight the tears. "You know I love you too much to ever leave you for something like that! It doesn't matter what you change into every full moon, that doesn't change who you really are. I'll always love you, no matter what." She whispered with tears streaming down her face. Remus stared up at her in silence for a few minutes, not believing what he had heard. "You're...you're sure... I mean....." He stuttered. "Of course I'm sure." She said softly. She was almost angry at him for not believing her.  
  
Remus made a strange choking noise as he stood up straight and wrapped his arms around her. He buried his face in her hair and let her sob quietly into his chest. He loved the smell of her hair, he could never place the scent and she would never tell him what scent her shampoo was, it was a kind of joke they had with eachother. "I love you so much." He whispered softly into her ear. After a few minutes she had stopped crying and she pulled away gently so that she could look at him. His eyes were still filled with emotion, but this time it was a much different kind of emotion. He leaned forward slowly and kissed her gently on the lips. He drew back after a few seconds and kissed her on the forehead.  
  
"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" She asked as they turned to the railing, still holding hands. He thought for a few minutes before answering. "I was afraid." He continued on again after a few more minutes of silence. "All my life I've made friends, and then lost them as soon as they discovered the truth about me. Sirius, James and Peter are the only ones who seriously didn't mind. I...I was so happy with you, and I didn't want to risk losing that. I felt awful, keeping it a secret from you, but....if you had left me... I wouldn't....wouldn't have been able to deal with that. But now I realize that I under estimated you. It would have made everything much easier if I had told you sooner. I truly am sorry." He finished and turned to look at her. She squeezed his hand gently. "It's ok. I understand. It must be awful for you...." She couldn't finish.  
  
They stayed out there for a few hours, looking at the stars and talking as they usually did, as if nothing had ever happened. Remus felt as if he could stay out here forever, he had never been this happy in his life, for the first time he didn't feel a shadow hanging over him, a shadow that was always reminding him of his secret. But when he saw Kat shivering he realized that it must be freezing cold out side. It was November, after all. "Lets go inside now, it must be freezing out here." He suggested. Kat nodded in agreement.  
  
"What do you mean, 'it must be freezing'? Can't you tell that it is?" She asked as they walked back to the Gryffindor common room. "Well, actually, being a you- know-what gives me certain abilities, even when I'm not transformed. One of them is that I never get cold." He answered quietly, looking from side to side to make sure no one was listening. "Cool! What are the other ones?" Kat asked with interest. "Well....um... I can smell and hear really good, and When I get mad, I get this kind of strength, it just sorta comes out of nowhere. Oh and one time I got really mad at Sirius for borrowing my potions book and losing it, and he said my eyes turned bright yellow, like they do when I transform. I guess that's not an abitity, but I thought it was weird." He said with a shrug.  
  
"That's so awesome!" She said with a smile. Remus thought of all the kids, and even adults, that had called him a freak and other things when they had found out about him. How did he get so lucky? How was it that he had found this amazing girl, and that she actually loved him back, even after finding out what he was? When they reached the fat lady, Remus took her hand before she could climb through. He almost forgot what he was going to say as he looked into her dark brown eyes. He took her other hand with his free one. "Thanks, Kat." He whispered. She nodded as a tear rolled down her cheek. Remus whiped it away with his thumb, and kissed her softly on the lips again. She was smiling when he pulled away. They turned to the fat lady and found her watching them with tears rolling down her chubbycheeks. "Chicken legs." Remus muttered. She sniffed noisely. "Of course, dear." The painting swung open as she pulled out a handkercheif and blew her noise loudly.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The other girls didn't mind Remus's 'problem' any more than Kat had. Everyone got along much better without suspicion and secrecy hanging over their heads. Of course they all had to sit down and James, Sirius and Remus explained the whole thing in detail to them. Lily appologized for not believing them, Remus appologized for not telling them sooner, and everything returned to almost normal.  
  
One day a few weeks later the Marauders were walking to lunch, everyone chatting happily about some class or other. They walked into the entrance hall to find it crowded with hungry students, it was too early for lunch. "Oh not them again!" James moaned. The others followed his gaze to see Severus Snape walking toward them, followed closely by Lucius Malfoy. It was common knowledge that there was a huge rivalry between the two Slytherins and the Maruaders. It was also common knowledge that one of the main reasons for this was that Snape had a crush on Lily, and Malfoy had one on Kat. The entrance hall went quiet, everyone was obviously hoping for a fight.  
  
"What do you want, Snape." James said cooly. "I suppose you think your little prank yesterday was just hilarious." Snape spat. It was obvious that he was looking for trouble. "Come on Snape, it was just a joke. How about you just back off, we don't want to start anything." Remus said calmly, though James and Sirius looked very much like they 'wanted to start something.' Snape turned away from James to look at Remus. "And I suppose your going to stop me, Lupin? What, are you going to come after me next week?" He sneered. The next week was a full moon. (A/N:I'm just gonna assume that everyone knows how Snape found out about Remus.)  
  
Sirius's hands curled up into fists. "Shut up, Snape." He said through clenched teeth. Snape ignored him and turned to Kat. "You don't know, do you?" He drawled. "I bet your little girlfriend wouldn't be so loyal if she knew where you went every month, Lupin." He sneered, turning back to Remus. Everyone knew that this remark was made on Malfoy's behalf. "Yeah," Malfoy said, stepping forward. "Where do you go every month, Lupin?" He drawled with his eyes on Kat. "Shut up, Malfoy." Sirius said in a threatening voice, taking a step towards him. Remus held out a hand to stop his friend. "Come on, lets go." He muttered, taking Kat by the elbow. The group started to walk away, James and Sirius still seething with rage.  
  
But Malfoy wasn't done. "Hey, I bet I know what it is, I bet Lupin has PMS!" He said loudly. James, Sirius, and Remus all turned around at the exact same time. Before Malfoy even had time to chuckle at his own joke, Remus had high-kicked him in the face. Lucius fell flat on the floor, screaming and holding his broken nose. Sirius and James, seeing that Remus had Malfoy, attacked Snape instead. James punched him in the face and Sirius in the gut. They were both just getting ready to punch him again when Remus grabbed their wrists and led them away, Peter and the girls following close behind.  
  
The students in the entrance hall were shocked. They had never, never seen Remus Lupin lose his temper like he just did. He always took Snape and Malfoy's taunts cooly, seemingly un-affected. Everyone had thought him a bit of a wimp for this, but not anymore. Malfoy's nose had been broken in two places, and he had a black eye as well.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Back in the Gryffindor Common room, the marauders were celebrating with food from the kitchens. "That kick thing you did was awesome, Remus." James said  
  
with a mouth full of food. "Thanks. You got Snape pretty good, too." Remus said with a grin. "Hey, you know your eyes turned yellow again when you kicked Malfoy." Sirius said. "Really? Wonder why it does that." Remus said thoughtfully before stuffing a pumpkin pasty in his mouth. Everyone shrugged carelessly.  
  
"You don't think we'll get in trouble, do you?" Peter asked in his squeeky voice. "What if Snape and Malfoy tell on us?" Sirius shook his head. "Nah," He said. "They won''t do that. Cuz then Dumbledore would talk to us and that would mean that we would tell him about Snape threatening to tell everyone about Remus. Dumbledore gave Snape specific orders not to mention it to anyone, Snape wouldn't risk getting in trouble like that." Everyone else nodded in agreemnt. "Oh, ok." Peter said quietly.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
A/N:Hey! Ok I'm a little unsure about this chapter, so please tell me if you think there's a way I could make it better. And are the chapter too long? Too short? I kind think they're too short so I'll try to make the next one longer. Thx for reading! Please review!! *~Eowyn~* 


	5. Painful Emotions

Disclaimer:I own Kat and Mercy but the rest belongs to the brilliant J.K. Rowling.  
  
Arwen Luna: Thank you so much!!! You are so sweet!! I'm sure you're not a bad writer! You should put some stories up, I'm sure they'd do great. Thanks again! : )  
  
I got another review, but I can't read it cuz of they take 24 hours to show up and it's not up there yet. But don't worry I'll thank you in the next chapter. But still, only 2 reviews! I'm starting to think I really stink at this whole writing thing. Oh well, to everyone who has reviewed, thank you SO much!! Y'all are SO awesome!!  
  
*~Chapter 5~*  
  
'Painfull Emotions'  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Lily, what did you do with my eyeshadow?" Kat asked as she dug through one of her many drawers filled with junk .  
  
"What eyeshadow?" Lily asked as she looked up from from her potions book.  
  
The three girls were all sitting in their dormitory, getting ready for bed. Mercy was at the window seat reading a romance novel, Lily was on her bed doing homework, and Kat was all over the place looking for everything. Kat was awful at keeping up with stuff, her possesions all lay scattered on the floor or her dresser. Lily and Mercy didn't mind, though very neat themselves. To them it wouldn't seem like home without Kat's stuff everywhere.  
  
"My pink eyeshadow that I let you wear last week." Kat said, starting to sound aggravated.  
  
"Oh..." Lily sat thinking for a little while, trying to remember where she had put it. But she forgot all about it when she saw a tear slip down Mercy's cheek. She immediatly put down her potions book and hopped off her bed. She sat down by her friend, wrapping her arms around her. "I'm really, really sorry about your dad, Merce." She said gently. Mercy had told them all about her dad a few weeks earlier, after she had talked to Sirius about it.  
  
Kat, forgetting about the eyeshadow as well, went and sat on Lily's bed, which was right next to the windowseat.  
  
"Oh, thanks. But...that wasn't what I was crying about." Mercy said as she wiped away another tear.  
  
Lily and Kat gave eachother an understanding look. They knew what was wrong with her, they knew that Mercy had had a crush on Sirius for a very long time now, and lately they had noticed it getting much worse.  
  
"Is it about Sirius?" Kat asked softly.  
  
Mercy sniffed and nodded without looking up at her friends. Lily sighed and squeezed Mercy's hand. It hurt both Kat and Lily to see their friend in so much pain, and not be able to help her out of it.  
  
"Merce," Kat started as she got off the bed and kneeled down on the floor in front of her friend. "I'm sure Sirius likes you, too." She said, trying to sound comforting, but knowing that she couldn't do it near as well as Mercy could herself.  
  
Mercy tried to say something, but couldn't, so just shook her head instead. Lily stood up to go get her friend a tissue, since she was crying much more steadily now. Kat took her place on the windowseat.  
  
"You never know, Merce, you really don't." Lily said as she handed the box of tissues to Mercy.  
  
"Yeah," Kat said, agreeing with Lily. "Take me and Remus for example, in our 3rd year, before we got together, I was so positive that he could never like me back, but he did. It's impossible to know someone else's feelings unless they tell you about them."  
  
Mercy just sighed as she closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the wall, trying to will herself to stop crying. Lily and Kat figured that she probably just wanted to be alone now, so they both went into the bathroom to talk about what was wrong with their friend.  
  
As soon as Kat closed the door they both sighed at the same time.  
  
"I hate so much to see her like that. It's hard to see someone as sweet as her with so much pain." Lily said, wiping away a tear of her own.  
  
Kat just sighed again as a response.  
  
"Do you really think Sirius likes her?" Lily asked after a few minutes of silence.  
  
"Yeah, I really do. He always acts differently around her, not so wild as he does when she's not around, because he knows that she might not like it. Haven't you noticed?"  
  
"Yeah I've noticed. You know, we should ask James and Remus, maybe Sirius told them something." Lily suggested.  
  
"Hey, that's a good idea."  
  
Lily nodded, and they opened the door and walked out of the room. They found Mercy much more composed then she had been a few minutes ago.  
  
"You ok?" Kat asked gently as she sat down on the windowseat again.  
  
"Yup." Mercy said, even supplying a small smile. "Thank you."  
  
"Sure." Lily said, and Kat just nodded.  
  
"But please don't tell anyone, not even James or Remus, cuz they'd probably tell Sirius." She said in a pleading tone.  
  
"We won't." Said Kat as she patted her friends hand. Then she and Lily went down to the common room, thinking it best to give her some more time alone.  
  
"Well, I guess we can't tell the guys now." Lily sighed as they walked down the stairs.  
  
"Yeah, I guess not. But I have a feeling that everything will turn out ok, anyway. I mean if Sirius really loves her then he won't be able to hide it forever." Kat said as they each plopped into arm chairs, both still extremely worried about their friend.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
At the very same time Peter, Remus, Sirius and James were all upstairs in their dormitory. Peter was sitting on his bed copying Remus's DADA homework, Remus was writing a letter to his parents, and James, bored, was throwing waded up bits of papter at Sirius, who was sitting on his bed with a far away look in his eyes. He didn't even notice that James was throwing anything at him. Whenever James was bored, he usually tried to make Sirius mad because it was so entertaining, and it was usually very easy to do. But tonight Sirius was completely ignoring him and his little wads of paper.  
  
"What's wrong with you, Padfoot?" James asked him angrily after he ran out of paper.  
  
"Huh?" Sirius asked confusedly.  
  
"Hello? Anyone in there?" James walked up to Sirius and started waving his hands in front of his face. Sirius still stared at him vacantly with a slighty confused look on his face.  
  
"I've been throwing paper at you for the last half hour!!" James yelled angrily, pointing at the floor, which was scattered with balled up bits of paper. Remus and Peter stopped what they were doing to watch.  
  
"Oh," Sirius murmered, glancing at the spotted floor and turning bright red. "Guess I was thinking about something else."  
  
James threw back his head and burst out laughing. "Oohh, I get it now!" He said loudly. He then started winking very obviously at Remus and Peter.  
  
"Quite it." Sirius said angrily.  
  
Remus, already understanding what was going on, gave Sirius a pitying look, but Peter just looked totally baffled.  
  
"What?" He asked confusedly. "What's going on?"  
  
Sirius turned even more red than he had been before. "It's not that big a deal, guys, you all know I like her." He muttered under his breath as he picked up his charms book and tried to hide his burning face behind it.  
  
"Oooooo....I get it now...." Peter said, proud of himself for figuring it out without anyone telling him exactly what is was, even though what Sirius said had helped a lot.  
  
"You know, you really should just tell her, Padfo..." James started, but Sirius cut him short by throwing his charms book on the floor, hard.  
  
"I DON'T NEED YOU TO TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!!" He yelled as he stood up and stomped into the bathroom, slamming the door loudly behind him.  
  
The other guys all sat in silence for a few minutes.  
  
"Oops...." James said after a while. "Didn't mean to make him mad, or anything like that."  
  
"He must be really in love with her." Peter said uncertainly, looking from James to Remus to see if he was right nor not.  
  
"Yeah....." Remus sighed, still staring at the closed door which Sirius had just gone through.  
  
Peter was now too pleased with himself for being right to care too much about Sirius anymore.  
  
"Do you think she likes him back?" James asked Remus after a while.  
  
"I dunno...it's so hard to tell with girls. You know we could ask Lily or Kat about it."  
  
The bathroom door opened at this and Sirius stuck his head out. "No you will not." He said with an almost threatening tone. Apparently he had been listening to everything that they had said.  
  
"Oh, ok, guess we won't then." Remus agreed.  
  
"Thanks." Sirius said as he went back inside and closed the door again, but much more softly this time.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
A/N: I know this is short and I'm sorry! Please forgive me! lol. But the next chapter is gonna be really good, with lots of fluff. Yup yup. Please review! It'll only take a few seconds! :) Lata. *Eowyn* P.S. Please read my friend's stories! They're really good! Trust me! They're much better than mine are. Her pan name is Katydid, she's in my fav. author's list. 


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